Rape and Adoption

From LifeDate - Fall 2005.

Rape and Adoption
by Grace Kern, Director of Word of Hope, 888-217-8679

How often have you heard people say abortion is wrong but it should be O.K. in the case of rape or incest? Should abortion be legal for cases of rape?

Unfortunately, many pro-lifers have accepted the argument that it would be just too traumatic for these women to carry a baby conceived in this way. They miss the point that taking the life of this baby is also a very traumatic event with long-term negative consequences.

Typically, the debate begins with the assumption that the woman who is pregnant from a sexual assault would prefer an abortion so she would be able to recover from the assault that much sooner than if she carried the baby to term.

However, that is certainly not the choice most rape victims make. In the only major study of pregnant rape victims ever done, Dr. Sandra Mahkorn found that 75 to 85 percent chose against abortion. For these women who decide for life, their biggest decision is whether to keep the baby or give it up for adoption.

There is no question that rape is an unspeakable evil and that rape victims suffer with anger, guilt, and fear. However, when a rape occurs, the damage has been done. Compounding one act of brutality with a second will not reduce the effect of the first. Abortion will not take away the rape of a woman, it only punishes the unborn child for a rapist’s crime. As many of our callers have stated, “after my abortion I felt I could not live with myself. I felt raped twice, once by the rapist, and again by the abortionist. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my baby. Why didn’t anyone tell me about adoption?”

At Word of Hope most of our calls are from post-abortive women or from sexual assault victims. We also hear from parents trying to understand how to help their daughter after a rape. Many parents feel helpless, and just don’t know what to do. We try to work with the entire family as the assault devastates everyone—parents and siblings. Each one is affected differently, and it can cause long-lasting emotional and spiritual problems. Without proper counsel most feel angry, scared, and victimized. Many will desperately struggle with relationships and will have difficulty trusting people. When rape victims and their families come for help they are looking for a safe and caring environment—a place where the Lord can grant them peace and understanding.

One such girl came to Word of Hope and asked us to share her story:

I was only sixteen. I thought I would be safe going to his house . . . He told me his parents would be there . . . I trusted him . . . I never thought he would force himself on me.

When the doctor told me I was five months pregnant from the rape, I felt like my life had ended. I was so ashamed I couldn’t tell anyone—not even my parents. I kept thinking it would go away. I was scared people would ask me who the father was . . . How can I tell them I was raped? Who would believe me? It was so painful. I cried and hid in my room for months . . . It was like my life was ruined. I felt so afraid.

When I finally told my parents my dad wanted to do something to the boy, and my mom cried. After a few days my parents realized we were all going to need help. That is when my father called Word of Hope and spoke with Grace Kern. She gave us an appointment to see her right away . . . She helped me, my parents, and two younger sisters. She saw me every week during my pregnancy. I didn’t think I could make it but Grace was there whenever I needed to cry or ask why. She prayed with me and reassured me that God had not abandoned me.

I had never wanted an abortion but yet I knew I was not ready to be a mother . . . Because of my faith I always knew abortion wasn’t right, but why were my friends telling me this was the one exception that people always talked about? I’ll never forget telling my best friend and her telling me I should have an abortion. I had so many mixed feelings. Grace helped me explore single parenting and adoption. I realized there was nothing wrong with feeling I couldn’t handle a baby at sixteen. After I made the decision to place my baby for adoption, my family and I together picked a wonderful Christian couple. I wanted my baby to have two loving parents. I didn’t want him to know I had conceived him from rape. Sure it was hard but I know I made the right decision.

For me, placing my baby for adoption was one of the toughest decisions I ever made. It was also one of the best. The family I placed my baby with sends me pictures of him once a month.

I keep my little boy’s picture with me all the time and when I look at his smiling little face I look to the Lord and thank Him for allowing me to give him life.

Thank you so much for your help, Grace.

Love you. Melinda

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another”

(Ephesians 4:31-32).