Hidden Grief

From LifeDate - Spring 2005.

Hidden Grief

by Diane E. Schroeder, President, Lutherans For Life

Let me tell you a true story. It’s a beautiful fall day. A father and his son are relaxing, fishing in a DuPage County, Illinois, forest preserve. The son slowly reels in his line waiting for a fish to take his bait. All at once his bobber goes down and he shouts to his father, “I’ve got one!” “Reel it in slowly,” the father replies. The son continues to bring his fishing line in and, much to his amazement, it’s not a fish, but a plastic bag. The father and son open the bag and inside is a bottle—but not just a bottle, but a bottle with a letter in it. Excitedly, the father and son open the bottle and read this letter:

Dear Baby Edgar,

I fell in love with your father the absolute second I saw him. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He helped me get through so many insecurities. That only made me love him more. I’m telling you this first because I want you to know that we loved each other (or rather, I loved him.) It didn’t matter to me that he already had two kids—your half brother and sister or that he was married to someone else because I loved him so much and if I had it to do all over again the only thing I’d change would be the abortion. I wanted to have you the second I found out I was pregnant. It was your father that made me change my mind. He didn’t want to leave his wife for anything. He kept claiming that he didn’t love her and that he really loved us. He could never tell me what I should do with you. When I saw how much pain he was in because he had to tell his wife about you, I felt like I was dying inside. I knew that I had to give you up through abortion because I couldn’t hurt the one I loved so much. I regret it because he’s the one who so thoughtlessly hurts me now. I’m seeing a therapist now, Baby Edgar, to learn to forgive myself for what I so needlessly did to you. I had the abortion so Daddy could tell his wife and leave her with some dignity instead of just saying he had an affair. I wish that you were still in me—you’d be 5 ½ months old by now. I’d be getting ready to have you. I love you, Baby Edgar, and I’ll never forget you for as long as I live. Sorry to say that I didn’t think your Daddy cares about us anymore. But I hope someday you and God forgive me enough for what I’ve done and maybe I’ll see you in heaven.

I love you, Edgar,

Mom

This letter describes a post-abortive woman’s grief and despair, this time hidden in a bottle. Surveys in our country have shown that the American people recognize that abortion takes the life of a child; however, many are willing to tolerate the evil of abortion because they believe women need to have this evil available to them.

The attitude toward abortion in the Lutheran Church will not change until pastors begin to recognize the profound affect this “mere medical procedure” has on women and men in their pews. It is an evil to be preached against, to be avoided at all cost.

On Life Sunday, many women in a Chicago congregation wept when they watched an aborted woman tell her story on a video. More women, more grief, more despair. Hidden in our pews, these men and women suffer believing they are the only ones who have had an abortion (or participated in an abortion decision). Believing they have committed the unforgivable sin, they call themselves hypocrites. As long as our churches refuse to address, with both Law and Gospel, the issue of abortion from the pulpit these men and women will remain stuck in their grief.

Lutherans For Life has long recognized the enormous need for healing within our Lutheran churches and the effect the witness of these men and women can have on other Lutherans caught in a pregnancy situation, believing that abortion is their only choice. Our ministry, Word of Hope, has been serving post-abortive Lutherans since 1989.

Let us pray that the Lutheran Church will more and more begin to recognize the important role it plays in both preventing abortion and healing those affected by it.

(Word of Hope)