January 22, 2007

Text: Matthew 18-1-14

Cherish the children. What does it mean to cherish? It means to “hold dear,” to “treat with affection,” and to “nurse.” Some might even say to “love.” To cherish children, then, is to love them, to hold them dear, to nurse them, and to treat them with affection.

Cherishing is not only an action, but also an attitude. For all action begins first in the heart and mind.

Cherishing can be a momentary act, as in holding a baby for a single mother as she walks through the dinner line at a church potluck. Or, it could be a more long-term commitment, as in being a “Big Brother or Sister,” or being a foster parent. In either case it is an act given birth by an attitude.

When I think of it, cherishing one another simply boils down to a matter of obedience. Cherishing children begins with cherishing the Lord. When we love the Lord with all our heart and soul and mind (Matthew 22:37), then it only becomes a matter of obedience in cherishing the children. For the Lord has commanded us to love one another (John 15:17). He has commanded us to love Him; and we demonstrate our love to Him by obeying His command in loving one another (i.e. cherishing children). Out of loving obedience we cherish children … without hesitation, without question, because we love the Lord and want to obey Him. It’s as simple as that. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is simple-to obey or disobey. And so it is out of obedience (loving obedience) that we cherish the children (young and old alike).

But let’s not kid ourselves. Obedience is a matter of sacrifice, and sacrifice is never easy. With sacrifice there is always a price to pay. That price, though we may gladly and freely pay it, will often times be painful. It hurts to sacrifice. It wouldn’t be a sacrifice if it didn’t hurt in some way. But the paradox of it all is that there is no greater joy in making such a sacrifice. And as far as the sacrifices made in cherishing a child goes, the child will always, always emerge the blessed benefactor. Always.

 I’d like to share with you a story of a child who was cherished. It’s a story involving a triangle of love. It’s a true story, although the names have been changed.

Jim and Sue were about out the door when the phone rang. It was a call they did not expect. A call that would forever change their lives. They were about to transport their eight-month-old foster child (Carter) to his mother’s for an extended weekend visit. 

“Hansons,” Jim said as he picked up the receiver. “Hello, Jim, this is Barb.” And then with quivering voice compounded by deep emotion borne out of a grieving heart, came these unexpected words. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided to terminate my rights to Carter. He needs a family, and he really needs a father. Would you and Sue adopt him?”

Wow! What a surprise. Carter was scheduled to be re-united with his mother soon. In fact, this was probably to be his last extended weekend visit. Quite likely Carter would be reunited with his mother within a week.

Turn back the calendar sixteen months. Barb is in a situation she’d rather not be in. She is single and pregnant. It wasn’t the first time she had found herself with child. No, she wasn’t a high school teen, nor was she a college sophomore. She was a grown woman. It wasn’t the first time she’d become pregnant. But it was the first time as a single woman.

You see, Barb once lived the “American Dream.” She was married to a handsome and successful man. She had a college degree and a secure job as a healthcare professional. She and her husband were happily married and the proud parents of two great kids. She was living the “American Dream.”

But all that changed. Barb became afflicted with a hereditary illness that ultimately affected the entire family. The illness, which is incurable, was so debilitating that it became unmanageable. Eventually her husband left, taking with him the children.

Unable to work now because of her disability, Barb’s circumstance was further exasperated by being caught in a web of chemical addiction, which then led her to trouble with the law. Barb was in serious trouble. A once idyllic life had gradually become a terrible nightmare. And to make matters worse, Barb thought she was pregnant.

She had gone to the local Women’s Pregnancy Center to receive a free pregnancy test -fully intending to abort the baby if the test proved positive. After all, there was no way she could possibly care for and raise a child the way her life was and all. Little did she know that the Pregnancy Center she visited was a faith-based ministry. It wasn’t that the Center was deceptive or secretive. Far from it. It’s just that Barb simply didn’t realize the foundational principles upon which the Center’s work was based.

It was at the Center where Barb met Mary, one of the Center’s volunteer counselors. Mary was a deeply committed Christian. She loved the Lord and she loved people, especially babies! For as long as she could remember, Mary had always believed in the sanctity of human life. But it wasn’t until she heard a “life message” from her Pastor one Sunday morning that she ever thought of acting upon her convictions. She prayed about what God would have her do. Mary testifies that the Lord “called” her to get involved in the local Women’s Pregnancy Center. It was there that she received training as a volunteer counselor. With a deep love for the Lord, a great compassion for women in crisis pregnancies, and an overwhelming concern for yet-to-be- born babies, Mary went to work at the Center, volunteering one day a week.

Mary administered the pregnancy test to Barb. And, as expected, the test proved positive. Barb was definitely pregnant.

With her incurable, debilitating, progressive disease, and with all her other troubles, Barb was convinced that she could not be a mother. To her, abortion was the only reasonable option.

With love and compassion, Mary began to counsel Barb. She shared with Barb factual information regarding conception, life, and fetal development. She listened to Barb’s story. She held Barb’s hands, and she wiped the tears from this troubled woman’s eyes. She fielded Barb’s questions and offered more information regarding all the options available to her. Simply put, Mary offered Barb love and truth, hope and encouragement.

Barb left the Center that afternoon undecided as to what she would do. And it would be more than a year later before Mary would learn the fate of this troubled woman and her vulnerable child.

Over the next several months, Barb’s life continued to spiral out of control.

In the meantime, the Hansons struck out on an adventure of their own. As Christians, they, too, believed in the sanctity of human life. Over the years, in the different communities in which they lived, they’d been involved with the local Crisis Pregnancy Centers to one degree or another. But now they wanted to do something more. Their great desire was to “rescue the perishing.” Jim and Sue were aware that the reason many women choose to terminate their pregnancies is because they feel that, for whatever reasons, they cannot be raising a child at this time in their life. The Hansons thought that if they could offer to take the child and raise him/her, that the mother would consent to giving birth to her child. But, as the Hansons found out, identifying such women in crisis is nearly next to impossible.

Though their dream was dashed their hope was not. Jim and Sue decided that the next best thing to do would be to get involved in foster care. They had wanted to do this for quite some time, but they thought it best to wait until their own children (four in all) were old enough so that they wouldn’t feel threatened by the presence of other children in the home to whom mom and dad’s care and attention would be given.

 To Jim and Sue (as well as their kids) foster care seemed to be the right thing to do. Through foster care they could minister to families at a most difficult time in their life by providing a safe haven for the children while mom and or dad received the help they needed. Love for God, concern for families, and love of children is what was driving the Hansons. With this vision before them, Jim and Sue were trained and certified by their county as licensed Foster Care providers.

After licensure the Hansons eagerly awaited their first call. Within weeks that call came. But it was a call they did not expect. Jim and Sue fully expected their foster children to be infants and toddlers, as most of them were back then. But when the County Social Service agent called, she asked Sue, “Would you be willing to take a baby?”

“A baby? Why Yes! Certainly!! How old? When?”

The agent answered, “Two-days old. And within the hour. Do you have a crib and diapers?”

Much to the delight of the Hansons, their first foster child was a newborn baby. All they knew at first was that the baby was a boy, whose name was “Carter.” Soon the Hansons would learn that, due to court orders imposed upon the (single) mother, they would need to provide Carter with care for a minimum of six to nine months. A couple of days later, when the paper work arrived, Jim and Sue learned that Carter’s mom, though single, had been previously married with children. She had been a healthcare professional until an inherited, debilitating and incurable disease rendered her unemployable.

Though the Hansons (all six of them) loved Carter and cared for him as one of their own, they knew the day would come when he would go home to be with his mom. After eight months of loving care, the day of “reunification” was rapidly approaching, though no specific date had been set.

Barb was doing well-well enough to satisfy the county and the courts. The plan was for one more unsupervised extended weekend visit. If all went well, Carter could go home to be with his mother-permanently.

And then that call came. Jim answered the phone while Sue bundled Carter up in his snowsuit, securing him snuggly into his infant car seat. They were about out the door to take Carter to his mom’s for a long weekend visit. 

“Hansons,” Jim said as he picked up the receiver.

“Hello, Jim, this is Barb. I … I … I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided to terminate my parental rights to Carter. He needs a family, and he really needs a father. Would you and Sue adopt him?”

The Hansons did adopt Carter. Gladly. Joyfully. Unhesitatingly. Unquestionably. Ignorant and foolish? By no means. They were fully aware of all the “issues.” After all, they had worked closely with Barb, the county, and the courts for over eight months. They knew what they were “getting into” and they fully and gladly accepted the long-term commitment. Great challenge and responsibility? You better believe it! But also no greater privilege!!

As soon as Jim hung up the phone he told his wife of the call. They both broke down and wept. When they dropped Carter off at his mom’s, for what would turn out to be his last visit, the three of them (Jim, Sue, and Barb) wept together.

The Hansons were simply overwhelmed by the sacrificial love shown by Barb towards her son. There was never any question about her love for her child. None at all. But she wanted more. She realized that what Carter needed she could not provide over the long haul. So she sacrificed herself for her child. “Self-denial” is what the Bible calls it. And there’s no greater love than this. She willingly denied herself for what was in the best interest of her child. Simple? Yes. Easy? No. Painful? Yes. But there’s no greater satisfaction and joy. Amazing love. It’s  what cherishing children is all about-putting their needs above our own. Doing what’s best, not for ourselves, but for them. Barb cherished a child by giving him life. She cherished him so much that she made a plan of adoption so that he might have what she could not provide. She cherished this child of hers so much that she willingly and sacrificially denied herself that he might have a future and a hope. To this day Carter is living in a Christian home. He loves the Lord, and is full of life and joy.

As for Mary at the local Women’s Pregnancy Center, the story would never have ended in this way had it not been for her. She, too, cherished children. That’s why she volunteers at the Center. That’s why she counseled Barb in the way that she did.

And as for the Hansons-well, their love for children goes without question. In Carter they cherished a child. And continue to cherish him. It’s quite a sacrifice, quite a price to pay to take on a challenge and responsibility that will span over eighteen years (and actually for the rest of their lives), when they weren’t looking for one. But they did it without question and without hesitation. But that’s what love does.

This is a story of how one child, Carter, was cherished by a triangle of love (Barb, Mary, and the Hansons). Always and forever, he will be the benefactor.

“Cherish the Children.” It’s a matter of obedience, really. It begins by cherishing the Lord. If we love the Lord we will obey His commands; and His commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3). He commands us to cherish the children, for He has made it clear that He desires that “not one of these little ones should perish” (Matthew 18:14). Not one. And none will perish as long as we cherish the children.

When you think of it, cherishing the children is not so much about our care for kids, as it is about God’s love for us. Love one another” He says, “as I have loved you” (John 15:12). And John reminds us in his epistle that “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). It is only as we first come to know and experience God’s unconditional love for us that we can then love others.

Cherish the children. By all means. The command, however, can be fulfilled only as we experience being cherished by the One who sacrificed Himself so that we, His children, would not perish but have everlasting life. Let Him cherish you, His child. Then cherish the children as your loving heavenly Father has cherished you. Amen.