From Despair to Hope
Nightmares
“I thought I must be crazy because I couldn’t shake the nightmares and deep pain I felt about the loss of my child.” Many millions of women who have had at least one abortion share this experience.
Sexual Problems
“I had an abortion. I wish I could say the sadness is getting less but instead it seems to be worse. I just want my two girls to watch TV all the time. I couldn’t care less if my husband ever touched me again (to me sex means having babies) and now I’m afraid the Lord does not love me anymore. We couldn’t afford another child, but the only thing I feel is hate toward myself for being talked into this and that I killed my child. Please help me!”
Guilt and Grief
“I have had two abortions. I felt a lot of remorse and guilt, especially after the birth of my daughter. I find myself grieving for the loss and the guilt is sometimes unbearable. Sadly enough, this guilt keeps me from the one place I need the most - the church.”
Denial
“I am almost 18. I am a cheerleader, vice president of the student council at my school, vice president of my youth group and I hope to become a parochial school teacher. I also had an abortion. I wanted to have the baby that was created out of love. I wanted to give it up for adoption and give it the chance of life. However, the shame was too great. I could not handle a nine-month reminder of my sin. I couldn’t tell my parents - I’m supposed to be the good one! I would have to quit cheerleading, resign as class leader, loose all the respect I had gained. It was perfectly acceptable to have sex but not get caught.”
Isolation
“I never told my minister. I’m not sure my minister would be understanding. I’ve told only one person at church. This is a guilt I carry alone. But I’m not the only one.”
Dr. Vincent Rue, a pioneer in the study and treatment of post abortion syndrome, says abortion must be understood as a major death experience. An abortive woman’s words bear this out:
Self-Justifiation
“When I had my (two) abortions, I told myself that what was inside me was just a piece of tissue, a product of conception, fetal parts, a cell. I had a lot of intellectual justification for what I had done.” But later, in therapy, the truth came out. “It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had two babies, and I killed them.”
For many the reality of abortion is too painful to acknowledge leading a woman to deny and repress the facts of her experience. Rationalization and self-justification, as heard in many previous quotations, is common. A delayed reaction to an abortion, varying from a few weeks to many years, is common. The following symptoms may appear in time:
- anger/guilt/mood swings
- withdrawal from relationships
- apathy/depression/despair
- child abuse
- recurring nightmares
- flashbacks/ nightmares
- eating disorders/substance abuse
- sleeping disorders
- sexual problems
- frequent crying/suicidal urges
- lack of self-esteem
- intense grief/sadness
- preoccupation with death/abortion date
Suicidal Urges
“I still am struggling. In the last few weeks I’ve had a really strong desire to end my life. The guilt feelings have become so great, plus, I have always had low self-esteem. I didn't hate my babies. I will live with what I have done my whole life and I know that there may often be times of great sadness. I just hope and pray the Lord will begin to work through me when I am ready to persuade other women not to make the same decision I did.”
Breaking Denial
Denial becomes increasingly difficult to maintain, especially when a woman gets pregnant a second or third time. She sees the sonogram of the moving baby, then gives birth to a child whose fingers and toes she can count. The memory of her first, aborted child, is still there, and suddenly her emotions overwhelm her. But the path to healing begins when denial is broken. With God’s gentle grace, repentance can replace rationalization and lips can utter confession instead of excuses:
"Months later, as I was washing dishes or doing household chores, a nameless anxiety would come over me. I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t under-stand what was making me feel so sad, so empty, so guilty. Then I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. And when I became a Christian I recognized my sin for what it was. I had taken the life of my first child and I was wrong. I praise God for the way He has worked in my life to show me He has forgiven me and still loves me as His child.”
The Power of Forgiveness
One woman wrote, “I’m 95. And I have lived with my abortion experience for 55 years. I am afraid that this sin is just too great. Can God ever forgive me?”
"Can God ever forgive me?"
God hates the shedding of innocent blood, but abortion is not an unforgivable sin. The Good News of the Gospel is that God has already forgiven us in Jesus Christ: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). God forgives the sin of abortion. He will also help us to forgive ourselves and others as His peace fills our heart: “If our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart” (1 John 3:20).
There are caring people throughout the United States who understand, care and want to help. Many of them have experienced the truths contained in this article - journeying from despair to healing in God’s forgiveness.
If you need assistance, information or someone to talk to, call or write Lutherans For Life or contact all Word of Hope.
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